20 years;non-congenital/adult development but atypically "young" for half of the electrical of my heart that died (left bundle branch block) and was discarded 4 years into my diagnosis after having broken myself caregiving those 20 years to a fully disabled but cruel and abusive man. I am finally free🙏
I was never able to relax, I had to always be ready for the next attack or situation. Looking back I can’t believe how long can one person endure this and it would be enough with 1-2 dates now to realise this about someone.
– Relaxation Anxiety – Rumination – Trauma-Bonded Confusion – Disassociation of Productivity – Rage & Unpredictability – Fear & Anxiety – Risk Adverse; no Self-Trust – Fear Response / Protective Mode
All terms I never heard of, and now that I have, I am shocked that I became someone to which these terms perfectly describe me now, and are added to “Vulnerable Narcissistic Victim”…
But Dr. R is so right. She really does understand. And I’m glad I listen to her. It took me 2 years to finally disappear from my narc, because when I did it before, her love-bombing was like an actual drug for me, and I needed it. But I realized, that just like drugs kill you, my narc was slowly and actually killing me. I had no choice. I let her Hoover me back. I had to just go cold Turkey! And I knew it.
So I finally did. Stayed in bed for 5 days. On 6th night, I finally got up and took shower and made something to eat. I was listening to my regular YouTube stuff and this doctor started playing randomly while I was in the kitchen. Since I didn’t have the remote there, I was forced to listen more. And wow!
Never heard anything like this; it was like God was saying: Hey! Glad you got up, cleaned and are eating 🎉! Now: LISTEN TO THIS!
That was on August 26, and I’ve listened to so many of her videos since.
I love reading comments on Dr. R’s vids…. They force me to remember that I am not alone in this. I have completely shut down for 15 months. Tried to date 2x, thinking maybe if I just move on, I’ll “move on.” But I found myself just over-analyzing every they said, and I didn’t even give either a chance. It’s seems to me that most victims are woman, or that most men don’t get help or tell anyone.
I tried a therapist but canceled after 2 visits. She was practically telling me within 5 minutes, “oh you are one of the men who watches YouTube and self-diagnosed?” I know how I feel. And Dr. R. made me realize I wasn’t crazy! She made me feel like she made all these vids — just for me! Like she knows me better than I know myself, and what exactly happened. And she even understood that it happens to men as well. I’m a bit afraid, because I’m starting to think at 49, I will either remain alone, or maybe I need to find a partner who has been through this also. But isn’t that like hoping someone else has been horribly hurt? Or maybe I am just misery who wants company?
Am I actually crazy now? I wish I had access to online victim-led groups for traumatic victims of Covert Narcs, like AA. To find others anonymously, because I need to TALK, I think. Before I do lose my marbles, I need to talk out loud, to real people who understand all the stages, and not talk to myself anymore!
Dear Dr Ramani, I hope you can give me some advice. My husband cut me off martial funds. The reason being I will not sign settlement papers. Thank you, Brenda Jo McCready ✌️😃❤️
My husband is a covert vulnerable narcissist and my eldest son is bipolar 2 ultra rapid cycle with severe OCD. I have a narcissistic family of my own since childhood which I only realised after listening to Dr Ramani & my in-laws are one big narcissistic clan. Sometimes I feel I have nowhere to go & like, being submerged under the water!
I’m only 23. Been with the narc since 18. But I feel like I’ve aged years mentally. So exhausted emotionally as well. Can’t see myself dating for a very long time after how he messed with my mind.
Well that's funny.My ex narc, used to say that he was never relax around me.Because I was confronting his ill manners.It's funny how a narc can play the victim and mske you the villain for just defending yourself.
8:45 if only i could show the people questioning my behaviour.. he left me, i seriously felt my inner being crack, brack, and detatch like i was half in my body and half out… i knew some of the shit I was doing was questionable but it never put anyone in harms way or even directly effect their life ! All the damage was to myself. He played hostage with my my things, among many other situations, and never in my life have i ever been met with pure nonsense while trying to compromise a time to P/U belongings and organise end other factors…the worse part though, talking to a friend who was trying to be sympathetic "i hate seeing you like this ME: I'm hurting but i just want my things he's making it difficult. F: don't worry about him you two aren't good together ME: Im not trying to save our relationship i want to cut ties and EXCHANGE EACH OTHER'S BELONGINGS BUT HE IS BEING CRYPTIC F: you're getting a bit obsessive now, What do you need to do to get past this how do i help. I swear flat tone. i said nothing, forget i said anything and hung up. No one could understand how much i loved this man but how much of a mind fuck he was.. because it was never really mean not what people saw anyway but difficult and he knew with my underlying mental health disorder i was going snap any moment and be the crazy one.. and I was, i stopped talking to everybody and wanted to cry becuase i couldn't explain why i was raging when he was "peacefully moving on" I'm over one hurdle and still have progress but atleast there is anything tieing me back and ive accepted the loss if there is
Yes – I get a mysterious urge to cry when I'm out walking peacefully – when there is nothing to cry about. You nailed it perhaps with the peacefulness anxiety. My narcissist died 3 years ago – I'm still wondering why I'm not ok.
I have felt drained after breaking off from a narcissistic relationship. I know i did the right thing and i don't feel i have a broken heart from this person.I have been there before and my eyes were wide opened during this time and i started to see the lies and the secret texts, ignoring my feelings, not excepting my boundaries, gaslighting me. I told him we are not in alignment with each other and i will not accept breadcrumbs and his behavior. I knew better than to call him a narcissist because i learned the behaviors. He also, called me crazy and i knew i wasn't crazy. Thank god I'm done after 3 months I cut off all communication with this man. He doesn't have good relationships with people close to him because of his controlling behavior.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for your great insight. I am one year past the end of my ten-year narcissistic relationship. The lingering psychological effects are less but still frequent. My delicate physical health and fear mentality continues to negatively impact me on a daily basis.
I felt so validated when you said about fear. Nobody understood me when I said I felt and keep feeling an extreme fear it’s like terror awful it’s in my stomach
Does anyone get thoughts… like a million of them all at once and different pictures and memories flashing through so rapidly that you can almost hear them spin? I feel like my brain is breaking!!
Yeah. This is horrendous. No sorry. CRAZY. For 29 years, she made me believe that without me, she would be as helpless as a 5-year-old girl. She did that through extremely abusive conditioning to the point where I even ignored my child sometimes. Only now I know what I went through. But here is the kicker. Even after a year after breaking-up with her, I still feel crazy nearly every minute 🥵😱🤯😤☹
I enjoy your videos they're well put together and giving it away that I can put into practice I am 14 days no contact and just feeling tired really really extremely tired
Dr Ramani… i feel crazy!!! I am going through this break up now and he already moved on to another person, and i feel crazy that how she doesn't see it??? It is just first love bombing stage.. i tried to give her a warning, but after all i became an evil person to him and he told me that i ruined his life! But i know that she is a new supply… and i feel crazy and physically in pain
Yes, yes yes thank you so much I feel relieved ❤ it’s definitely taken me years since leaving my ex. I would say the past couple years after being single from him for seven years now I finally feel that I’m not crazy.
Honestly, the worst part were therapists and psychiatrists. "What are YOU doing to make them treat you this way?", "I am giving you a reasonable, not emotional, solution that maybe YOU are the problem", "Do you have any other relations like this", "You're emotionally unstable", "You're being obsessive", "Maybe if you taked to them in a non-aggressive way", "What is it that you've been through? You call THAT traumatic?"
I feel like I'm in a version of the movie "Black Swan" in terms of anxiety and misperception of reality. I'm fully levelled, radically awakened and fully compassionate to survivors.
Yes, I absolutely struggle with relaxation anxiety. I just realized my family is narcissistic & cut contact so I’m still navigating the guilt and healing my inner critic.
He didn’t leave he threw me out of my life… as I knew it. It felt like he died and my child died. I will never forget that feeling I still cry when I think of it. It was maddening. My grown son did not know how to handle me or my issues or the situation. It has taken a long time to be able to get to the point it doesn’t wreck me. 🙌Thank You God
I have been working on this for 2 years & it's getting better – still hard. When should someone stop fixating on this & move on. I would love to hear your opinions. 😊
I cant sleep at night without music or a comfort sound because i keep myself up thinking about what happened,i had to end an 11 year relationship with my best friend because what she did and im tired its been 3 months
I keep trying to reach out to her knowing what I know, keep telling myself this isn't real, there's no way someone could fake 17 years. it's been 8 months now and the pain is just as raw as it was the day she left.
Yes, Crazy is the word – mind flying, chaotic, can't think straight. Feel a panic because I didn't know what to feel. I didn't know what would become of me – was I falling apart?! …and its like my ego, self-esteem, self-worth was all shredded and I was left a deflated nothing.
scary thing is that this feeling seems like love or affection, because it is so strong. But it is NOT related to any kind of affection, or love. It is, the strong emotion bond, trauma bond does not contain any type of love or mind, any spirit.
It is just the hunger for the true connection, true attachment. And the shattered of own ego, smashed the self image which is distorted in the abusive relationship.
But if your parents are narcissists, all you know about love is this kind of illusion when your ego is smashed by their evil. That is why it has the extreme feeling.
I just love your videos too bad I didn’t know about them 40 years ago. I was in two narcissistic marriages and have been single for almost 8 years now and loving life. All I can say for anybody who is out there struggling to get out, you know they’re a narcissist get out they don’t change listen to Dr. Ramani. She is amazing! I watch your videos just to make sure that it never happens again, and I know without a shadow of a doubt it will never happen to me ever because I am diligently, watching your videos and learning how to prevent it. God bless you. I love you, Dr. Ramani. ❤
Dr Ramani, so spot on, it's the feeling crazy, it wasn't just the affair, it was the toxicity and madness, yes he destabilised me. I became lost, as you said dismantled. It's that that is the worst. I look forward to one day feeling sane, the me before I met him. Thankyou for your insight and sharing it.
Move on dear for the hole all of US have in our hearts IS exactly the size of God, like the SNL alumni , the comedian Norm MacDonald said to a 9 times married Larry King on his show.
Also how do I know I’m not being narcissistic and gaslighting others? At least that’s the way I have been made to feel and was told that I was gaslighting. I don’t get, don’t understand it and don’t know really what to do or how to do it. I’ve done a lot, but it doesn’t seem to matter at all! Talking about a broken heart. Now this is not with my husband that I was in a narcissistic and gaslighting relationship. We have been estranged now for 5 years. It’s mostly my 2 youngest children and one of their partners at this point. I know I put them through hell when I was going through the change of life and had several diseases that had caught up with me. The after their dad died with muscular dystrophy. (He and I were married for 21 years) yes he was born with this disease and I took care of him. My two youngest children don’t understand. Before Their dad died, this guy that I dated and almost married back when I was a young adult. Came back into my life (as friends) R (my late husband) and J (the one that was my young love) and I were talking all together. As friends. Well … R asked J to take care of me and our kids and J promised him he would. It was about 7-9 months after J moved in with us (supposedly to help me out) , that my husband R passed away. J’s games started pretty much the moment he moved in. I guess with all the stress and trying on my end to keep the promise that J would take care of us, I overlooked some of the things. It just kept getting worse and so much was going on…. I just didn’t know what to do. My kids suffered so much and none of us had the help to us that was promised. I tried, begged and pleaded for him to do what was needed. J tore me down to nothing, I had no strength for anything, not even for my kids. I mourned for my kids, because for reasons they went to stay with their older sister. J wouldn’t do anything to get us back together. He would spend all the money on himself and only if it was for his gain to make him look good at certain times he might buy us something. It really wasn’t for us, it was always what he wanted to buy for us. Finally in 2019 he went back to California where he belongs. He would go there every 2-3 months so he could go to the pain doctor that kept him drugged up. This just added to the other situation, badly. Anyway after he went back to California, I told him I did NOT want him to come back home. He would NEVER listen to me when I would tell him this before. He would come back acting like nothing was wrong. I had help with him staying, he wound up in the hospital and missed his flight, and we didn’t have the money to get him back here. He would call and I would tell him over and over I didn’t want him back and not to call me anymore. I got all his stuff transferred out of my name and he had to deal with it himself. Finally he stopped calling me and that was such a relief! Now my kids live with me and I pay about 80-90 % of the bills if not all of them. They are adults now. My youngest, like I said their partner lives here and they have a two year old. I don’t mind taking care of them and helping them out. They make feel like the smallest peon. They don’t forgive me, they are holding grudges and for whatever reason I’m not doing my part in the household. Help me please if you can … I’m on SSI disability and only have government insurance… lost somewhere between limbo and nowhere.
How in the world do you get to the roots of it all? How do you pull them out? What do you do when you are so afraid still of yourself? How do you do this when, you don’t trust yourself and then there are people, when you feel you are coming out of the water where you can breathe and then you are pushed down, back to the bottom with an even heavier weight?
![[sub] Seong Si-kyung’s I’ll Eat it l Apgujeong Rodeo Wild Buffalo Part 1 (with. Shin Dong-yeop)](https://i3.wp.com/res.cloudinary.com/glide/image/fetch/https%3A%2F%2Fi.ytimg.com%2Fvi%2Fyz_PDMZQqF8%2Fmaxresdefault.jpg?w=120&resize=120,86&ssl=1 "[sub] Seong Si-kyung’s I’ll Eat it l Apgujeong Rodeo Wild Buffalo Part 1 (with. Shin Dong-yeop)")
20 years;non-congenital/adult development but atypically "young" for half of the electrical of my heart that died (left bundle branch block) and was discarded 4 years into my diagnosis after having broken myself caregiving those 20 years to a fully disabled but cruel and abusive man. I am finally free🙏
Yes I experience it every day
She is so good, the way she could explain relaxation anxiety 😦 I’m in awe of that it’s actually real what’s happening to me and I’m not alone❤
I was never able to relax, I had to always be ready for the next attack or situation. Looking back I can’t believe how long can one person endure this and it would be enough with 1-2 dates now to realise this about someone.
– Relaxation Anxiety
– Rumination
– Trauma-Bonded Confusion
– Disassociation of Productivity
– Rage & Unpredictability
– Fear & Anxiety
– Risk Adverse; no Self-Trust
– Fear Response / Protective Mode
All terms I never heard of, and now that I have, I am shocked that I became someone to which these terms perfectly describe me now, and are added to “Vulnerable Narcissistic Victim”…
But Dr. R is so right. She really does understand. And I’m glad I listen to her. It took me 2 years to finally disappear from my narc, because when I did it before, her love-bombing was like an actual drug for me, and I needed it. But I realized, that just like drugs kill you, my narc was slowly and actually killing me. I had no choice. I let her Hoover me back. I had to just go cold Turkey! And I knew it.
So I finally did. Stayed in bed for 5 days. On 6th night, I finally got up and took shower and made something to eat. I was listening to my regular YouTube stuff and this doctor started playing randomly while I was in the kitchen. Since I didn’t have the remote there, I was forced to listen more. And wow!
Never heard anything like this; it was like God was saying: Hey! Glad you got up, cleaned and are eating 🎉! Now: LISTEN TO THIS!
That was on August 26, and I’ve listened to so many of her videos since.
Think she has saved me. Wish I could tell her.
TAKE THE FEAR GLASSES OFF
I love reading comments on Dr. R’s vids…. They force me to remember that I am not alone in this. I have completely shut down for 15 months. Tried to date 2x, thinking maybe if I just move on, I’ll “move on.” But I found myself just over-analyzing every they said, and I didn’t even give either a chance. It’s seems to me that most victims are woman, or that most men don’t get help or tell anyone.
I tried a therapist but canceled after 2 visits. She was practically telling me within 5 minutes, “oh you are one of the men who watches YouTube and self-diagnosed?” I know how I feel. And Dr. R. made me realize I wasn’t crazy! She made me feel like she made all these vids — just for me! Like she knows me better than I know myself, and what exactly happened. And she even understood that it happens to men as well.
I’m a bit afraid, because I’m starting to think at 49, I will either remain alone, or maybe I need to find a partner who has been through this also. But isn’t that like hoping someone else has been horribly hurt? Or maybe I am just misery who wants company?
Am I actually crazy now? I wish I had access to online victim-led groups for traumatic victims of Covert Narcs, like AA. To find others anonymously, because I need to TALK, I think. Before I do lose my marbles, I need to talk out loud, to real people who understand all the stages, and not talk to myself anymore!
Dear Dr Ramani, I hope you can give me some advice. My husband cut me off martial funds. The reason being I will not sign settlement papers. Thank you, Brenda Jo McCready ✌️😃❤️
My husband is a covert vulnerable narcissist and my eldest son is bipolar 2 ultra rapid cycle with severe OCD. I have a narcissistic family of my own since childhood which I only realised after listening to Dr Ramani & my in-laws are one big narcissistic clan. Sometimes I feel I have nowhere to go & like, being submerged under the water!
I’m only 23. Been with the narc since 18. But I feel like I’ve aged years mentally. So exhausted emotionally as well. Can’t see myself dating for a very long time after how he messed with my mind.
Love you Dr. Ramani💗
Well that's funny.My ex narc, used to say that he was never relax around me.Because I was confronting his ill manners.It's funny how a narc can play the victim and mske you the villain for just defending yourself.
The concept of the relaxation anxiety is very helpful. Thank you.❤
Crazy indeed. 💔
8:45 if only i could show the people questioning my behaviour.. he left me, i seriously felt my inner being crack, brack, and detatch like i was half in my body and half out… i knew some of the shit I was doing was questionable but it never put anyone in harms way or even directly effect their life ! All the damage was to myself. He played hostage with my my things, among many other situations, and never in my life have i ever been met with pure nonsense while trying to compromise a time to P/U belongings and organise end other factors…the worse part though, talking to a friend who was trying to be sympathetic "i hate seeing you like this ME: I'm hurting but i just want my things he's making it difficult. F: don't worry about him you two aren't good together ME: Im not trying to save our relationship i want to cut ties and EXCHANGE EACH OTHER'S BELONGINGS BUT HE IS BEING CRYPTIC F: you're getting a bit obsessive now, What do you need to do to get past this how do i help.
I swear flat tone. i said nothing, forget i said anything and hung up.
No one could understand how much i loved this man but how much of a mind fuck he was.. because it was never really mean not what people saw anyway but difficult and he knew with my underlying mental health disorder i was going snap any moment and be the crazy one.. and I was, i stopped talking to everybody and wanted to cry becuase i couldn't explain why i was raging when he was "peacefully moving on" I'm over one hurdle and still have progress but atleast there is anything tieing me back and ive accepted the loss if there is
Yes – I get a mysterious urge to cry when I'm out walking peacefully – when there is nothing to cry about. You nailed it perhaps with the peacefulness anxiety.
My narcissist died 3 years ago – I'm still wondering why I'm not ok.
I have felt drained after breaking off from a narcissistic relationship. I know i did the right thing and i don't feel i have a broken heart from this person.I have been there before and my eyes were wide opened during this time and i started to see the lies and the secret texts, ignoring my feelings, not excepting my boundaries, gaslighting me. I told him we are not in alignment with each other and i will not accept breadcrumbs and his behavior. I knew better than to call him a narcissist because i learned the behaviors. He also, called me crazy and i knew i wasn't crazy. Thank god I'm done after 3 months I cut off all communication with this man. He doesn't have good relationships with people close to him because of his controlling behavior.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for your great insight. I am one year past the end of my ten-year narcissistic relationship. The lingering psychological effects are less but still frequent. My delicate physical health and fear mentality continues to negatively impact me on a daily basis.
I felt so validated when you said about fear. Nobody understood me when I said I felt and keep feeling an extreme fear it’s like terror awful it’s in my stomach
“ Real crime is that you left me feeling crazy” Yes exactly that 🤌🏾
Does anyone get thoughts… like a million of them all at once and different pictures and memories flashing through so rapidly that you can almost hear them spin? I feel like my brain is breaking!!
Yeah. This is horrendous. No sorry. CRAZY. For 29 years, she made me believe that without me, she would be as helpless as a 5-year-old girl. She did that through extremely abusive conditioning to the point where I even ignored my child sometimes. Only now I know what I went through. But here is the kicker. Even after a year after breaking-up with her, I still feel crazy nearly every minute 🥵😱🤯😤☹
I enjoy your videos they're well put together and giving it away that I can put into practice I am 14 days no contact and just feeling tired really really extremely tired
Dr Ramani… i feel crazy!!! I am going through this break up now and he already moved on to another person, and i feel crazy that how she doesn't see it??? It is just first love bombing stage.. i tried to give her a warning, but after all i became an evil person to him and he told me that i ruined his life! But i know that she is a new supply… and i feel crazy and physically in pain
Thank you!!!!! This is exactly what I've been feeling, and i have tried to explain these feelings, but i wasn't sure how.
❤
Yes, yes yes thank you so much I feel relieved ❤ it’s definitely taken me years since leaving my ex. I would say the past couple years after being single from him for seven years now I finally feel that I’m not crazy.
Honestly, the worst part were therapists and psychiatrists. "What are YOU doing to make them treat you this way?", "I am giving you a reasonable, not emotional, solution that maybe YOU are the problem", "Do you have any other relations like this", "You're emotionally unstable", "You're being obsessive", "Maybe if you taked to them in a non-aggressive way", "What is it that you've been through? You call THAT traumatic?"
I knew better but I kept thinking it would change it really hurts
I had a narc friend , I don't see her now but had to speak on phone today and I've felt panicky all day and have just keep busy all day
Hf
❤❤❤
I feel like I'm in a version of the movie "Black Swan" in terms of anxiety and misperception of reality. I'm fully levelled, radically awakened and fully compassionate to survivors.
Yes, I absolutely struggle with relaxation anxiety. I just realized my family is narcissistic & cut contact so I’m still navigating the guilt and healing my inner critic.
Dreams and the thoughts at night are the worse. I also wake up with extreme stomach pains.
He didn’t leave he threw me out of my life… as I knew it. It felt like he died and my child died. I will never forget that feeling I still cry when I think of it. It was maddening. My grown son did not know how to handle me or my issues or the situation. It has taken a long time to be able to get to the point it doesn’t wreck me. 🙌Thank You God
This has happened to me so many times. I just don't want to do it anymore.
I have been working on this for 2 years & it's getting better – still hard. When should someone stop fixating on this & move on. I would love to hear your opinions. 😊
Thank you, really needed to hear that what I’m going through is normal and not crazy or my inability to bounce back. I just need more time.
I cant sleep at night without music or a comfort sound because i keep myself up thinking about what happened,i had to end an 11 year relationship with my best friend because what she did and im tired its been 3 months
I keep trying to reach out to her knowing what I know, keep telling myself this isn't real, there's no way someone could fake 17 years. it's been 8 months now and the pain is just as raw as it was the day she left.
Yes, Crazy is the word – mind flying, chaotic, can't think straight. Feel a panic because I didn't know what to feel. I didn't know what would become of me – was I falling apart?! …and its like my ego, self-esteem, self-worth was all shredded and I was left a deflated nothing.
scary thing is that this feeling seems like love or affection, because it is so strong. But it is NOT related to any kind of affection, or love. It is, the strong emotion bond, trauma bond does not contain any type of love or mind, any spirit.
It is just the hunger for the true connection, true attachment.
And the shattered of own ego, smashed the self image which is distorted in the abusive relationship.
But if your parents are narcissists, all you know about love is this kind of illusion when your ego is smashed by their evil. That is why it has the extreme feeling.
I just love your videos too bad I didn’t know about them 40 years ago. I was in two narcissistic marriages and have been single for almost 8 years now and loving life. All I can say for anybody who is out there struggling to get out, you know they’re a narcissist get out they don’t change listen to Dr. Ramani. She is amazing! I watch your videos just to make sure that it never happens again, and I know without a shadow of a doubt it will never happen to me ever because I am diligently, watching your videos and learning how to prevent it. God bless you. I love you, Dr. Ramani. ❤
Dr Ramani, so spot on, it's the feeling crazy, it wasn't just the affair, it was the toxicity and madness, yes he destabilised me. I became lost, as you said dismantled. It's that that is the worst. I look forward to one day feeling sane, the me before I met him. Thankyou for your insight and sharing it.
Move on dear for the hole all of US have in our hearts IS exactly the size of God, like the SNL alumni , the comedian Norm MacDonald said to a 9 times married Larry King on his show.
Such Life Saving Guidance. THANK YOU.
@@
Dr. Ramani, I love you. ❤️
Also how do I know I’m not being narcissistic and gaslighting others? At least that’s the way I have been made to feel and was told that I was gaslighting. I don’t get, don’t understand it and don’t know really what to do or how to do it. I’ve done a lot, but it doesn’t seem to matter at all! Talking about a broken heart. Now this is not with my husband that I was in a narcissistic and gaslighting relationship. We have been estranged now for 5 years. It’s mostly my 2 youngest children and one of their partners at this point. I know I put them through hell when I was going through the change of life and had several diseases that had caught up with me. The after their dad died with muscular dystrophy. (He and I were married for 21 years) yes he was born with this disease and I took care of him. My two youngest children don’t understand. Before Their dad died, this guy that I dated and almost married back when I was a young adult. Came back into my life (as friends) R (my late husband) and J (the one that was my young love) and I were talking all together. As friends. Well … R asked J to take care of me and our kids and J promised him he would. It was about 7-9 months after J moved in with us (supposedly to help me out) , that my husband R passed away. J’s games started pretty much the moment he moved in. I guess with all the stress and trying on my end to keep the promise that J would take care of us, I overlooked some of the things. It just kept getting worse and so much was going on…. I just didn’t know what to do. My kids suffered so much and none of us had the help to us that was promised. I tried, begged and pleaded for him to do what was needed. J tore me down to nothing, I had no strength for anything, not even for my kids. I mourned for my kids, because for reasons they went to stay with their older sister. J wouldn’t do anything to get us back together. He would spend all the money on himself and only if it was for his gain to make him look good at certain times he might buy us something. It really wasn’t for us, it was always what he wanted to buy for us. Finally in 2019 he went back to California where he belongs. He would go there every 2-3 months so he could go to the pain doctor that kept him drugged up. This just added to the other situation, badly.
Anyway after he went back to California, I told him I did NOT want him to come back home. He would NEVER listen to me when I would tell him this before. He would come back acting like nothing was wrong. I had help with him staying, he wound up in the hospital and missed his flight, and we didn’t have the money to get him back here. He would call and I would tell him over and over I didn’t want him back and not to call me anymore. I got all his stuff transferred out of my name and he had to deal with it himself. Finally he stopped calling me and that was such a relief! Now my kids live with me and I pay about 80-90 % of the bills if not all of them. They are adults now. My youngest, like I said their partner lives here and they have a two year old. I don’t mind taking care of them and helping them out. They make feel like the smallest peon. They don’t forgive me, they are holding grudges and for whatever reason I’m not doing my part in the household. Help me please if you can … I’m on SSI disability and only have government insurance… lost somewhere between limbo and nowhere.
How in the world do you get to the roots of it all? How do you pull them out? What do you do when you are so afraid still of yourself? How do you do this when, you don’t trust yourself and then there are people, when you feel you are coming out of the water where you can breathe and then you are pushed down, back to the bottom with an even heavier weight?