Overcoming The Vulnerability Hangover: 5 Reasons For Withdrawing After Opening Up | HealingFa.com

what is a typical timeline for deactivating, and should I ever reach out, say after a week or so?

Your videos are amazing. Listening to this was like a script that was the end of my relationship with my ex FA. She would become vulnerable with me and share horror stories of her childhood, then she would just run away the next morning. This happened a few times and I had no idea what was going on.

I wish I had known about her attachment issues prior to her bringing them up near the end. I feel like I know her now more than ever after listening to your videos.

Thought I was saving my girlfriend by pushing her to this didn't realize it really is for all of us ❤❤ we are all so loved

Hi Pauliene you once mentioned CPTSD and I wondered if you could do a video on how this works with the FA attachment style. What are the differences and what are the similarities? How do they interact? Are they separate entities or are they just different schemas for the same problems? I used to think the bulk of my issues were the cptsd but since finding your videos (which are so helpful to me by the way. I'm so glad you have done these, I haven't found information quite as concise and relieving anywhere else) I feel like the attachment style is the root of the issue. The overwhelm, the vulnerability hangover (I used to call this a friendship hangover before I heard you speak on it!).

What if my fears always came true? Whenever I shared my emotional state with someone I trust, especially in a relationship they pulled away and ended the relationship soon later. This is devastating, it is making me feel like I am completely worthless to those that I trust, I feel like I am too intense whenever I share a concern about the relationship which makes me sad. Are man even allowed to share emotions?

It's even with friends, once someone ask me how I am doing about a recent tragedy, I share it and then they don't even respond to that. It hurts so much, i feel so misunderstood and devalued by that. It's like they try getting me emotional and then aren't happy about what I told them and they are no longer interested in me.

As a man, I only feel valued when I am emotionally detached from everything and "fun" to be around. But whenever I go through something really hurtful I am no longer a valuable man. That's why I never truly show how I am doing inside, because then people will leave me.

Paulien these videos are so helpful you have no idea! I'm so glad I found your channel. Can you start a series of tapping videos for healing these different wounds and fears associated with the FA?

oh man, this hits hard. I'm FA and recently dated another FA. The vulnerability hangover is so real and I believe it's what caused the end for both him and I. So sad. We were forming such a genuine connection and it was very difficult being vulnerable for the both of us. We tried so hard. The only difference was that I'm a little more healed than he was and was kind of aware of what was happening to me. But I feel so bad that I couldn't offer more support to him. After we first slept together, the hangover hit HARD for me. I cried the whole next day and was depressed for a couple of days. As a result, I started becoming obsessed about how he felt about me. I started latching on to ANY inconsistencies and then started to deactivate. But I felt it coming and asked him for space. I was able to reflect and come back from it. Well after the reflection, I figured I needed a little bit of reassurance so I asked him for a conversation. He was very open to it and we had such an awesome conversation. We both stated how we felt about each other but I could tell that it was hard for him — BOOM, that was the start of his vulnerability hangover. He pulled back. I then also pulled back a bit to give him some space but then my fear brain was starting to trigger again because I also was being vulnerable that night. ughhhh. He kinda started to bounce back but then I think was triggered because he asked to hang out but I already had plans. So then he pulled back AGAIN. I asked what was wrong. He said he wasn't feeling himself and that he had been in his head alot. This time my fear brain was fully triggered. We finally saw each other. He noticed I was acting distant, asked what was wrong. We had a conversation, but things started just spilling out from my side. Not the way I wanted to approach it but I got caught up in the moment. He started to shut down ☹ The following week, we started testing each other and then both deactivated and didn't speak for 3 days. I guess that was enough time for him to let the doubts sink in and he broke up with me. Can't say I'm surprised – I probably would have done it if he hadn't done it first. It was actually a very warm and friendly break up though, he tried to express himself. Said he thought we had a deeper connection and wanted to get back to himself because he was in such a rut and said this was probably the best thing. I wanted to fight for him but I felt rejected and I know the best thing to do is just to take space. But I did tell him that he was a great guy and thanked him for still trying. He appreciated that. We were just doing the best we could. I hope we're able to reconnect soon. I just would love to try again and I'm using these videos to learn more about myself. ❤

Thanks for this video Paulien! ❤ At what way did you take rest for yourself when everything felt so intense or when you had the vulnerability hangover?

When do you know you are making a case about the other person or those reasons you find for the case are indeed real? This is the hardest part for me. Understanding when my feelings are driven by me being fearful avoidant or are true things that are not a good match for me? Anyway Paulien course to heal is amazing! I have not been paid to said this 🙂 but I wanted to share how great she is in what she does.